How To Be A Good Friend Part 2 (Inconsistency, Disrespect & Mind Games)

This is part 2 of How to be a good friend, and in this video, I talk about friendship issues surrounding inconsistency in behavior, being disrespectful, and playing mind games. 

Please like consistency, as it gives them a sense of stability and they are better able to predict the outcome of situations. This holds true for friendships, as people want to be able to rely on their friends throughout life, they want to ensure that their friend’s behavior is consistent across a range of situations.

Being respectful, especially in a group setting, is also a part of being a good friend. Some people act nice one on one and then in a group setting they seem to put other people down so that they can look good or put across a point that they were too scared to talk about in one on one conversation. Friendships can be complicated and sometimes people don’t know how to be a good friend and it takes time for them to learn how to treat people with respect.

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Mind games are also something you want to avoid in a good friendship. Instead, you want to be honest with your friends and be upfront with what you are feeling and how you are going to act. In the end, a good friend will show you their integrity as their words will match their actions and a bad friend will do just the opposite.

By Jared Chan

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Video Transcript

Another way to be a good friend is to be consistent. A lot of people I found are not consistent with their communication. You ring them, you talk to them, you text them, and they are actually not consistent, they don’t get back to you.

And look if they’re a person who is kind of all over the shop and unorganized it might make sense. But they should at least tell you, ‘Hey if you ring me or call me or text me if I’m busy then I might not get back to you for one or two days because I am really busy but I will get back to you’. That’s kind of acceptable and I understand that because I’m kind of like that myself as well because I am busy all the time doing different things.

But at the same time, I’m talking about the people who don’t even do that at all. You call them you text them and they just never call you back. They just never talk to you back. That’s not a good friend. You don’t want to be like that. So be consistent in your communication and be consistent in how you treat someone.

Don’t just be treating them nice when you are together behind the scenes and then when you’re in a group setting you treat them like crap. You don’t want that. That’s not being a good friend. That’s disrespectful. You want to value someone just as much in a group as you do one on one. Now, you might not be able to talk exactly the same with one another because there are other people there. You have to accommodate and respect other people so your behavior might change a little bit.

But you don’t want to disrespect your friend in a group setting. And I’ve found that’s what a lot of people do. That’s what a lot of people do. One on one they are really nice and kind and then in a group they will put that person down for whatever reason. I think I’ve even done that in the past myself but I don’t do that anymore and I haven’t done that for, I don’t even know, years and years. Because it’s not good to do that, and that’s really a violation of trust. It’s disrespectful.

Another thing I’d say is… stick to your promises. That’s kind of in the same vein as be consistent because if you say you are going to do something then you better do it. But if you say you are not going to do something or you’re unsure then that’s truthful too. Just say, I’m unsure, I’m not going to tell you yes or no right now because I want more information and then I’m going to make my decision and I’m going to give you my decision in two days or something like that.

If you give someone more certainty about what you’re doing you can be more honest. You don’t have to always do what someone else wants you to do. You just be honest. Look, I’ve said to all my friends, and they respect me for it, I always say, look, I don’t really want to do that. It’s just not what I want to do. There doesn’t always have to be a reason, sometimes there is a reason, but there doesn’t always have to be a reason.

But I’m not an idiot about it. I’m not rude about it. I’m not just saying, ahh I don’t want to do that I never want to do anything. I’m giving. I want to do things. I try to do things because I want to. But when something is kind of bothering me I am honest about it and I tell the person, this is bothering me, or I don’t really feel like doing that, or how about we do this instead, or I’ll get back to you another time but I’ll make sure I get back to you. That certainty, that consistency, I think is very important for building friendships.

Another thing that will make you a good friend is actually studying your friends. Really trying to understand who they are as a person. And you might think that’s a bit full on but if you really think about it, exploring someone, exploring someone’s mind, their thoughts, their emotions, their history, where they’ve been, where they’ve come from, their aspirations, where they want to go in the future. When you explore someone in depth you’re interested in it, you’ve become interested in that person and they can really feel that.

They can feel that deep inside them. Wow, this person wants to explore who I am. And you’re not full on about it. You don’t just press into them like, ‘I want to know everything about you’. It’s just a natural progression. You ask them questions and you actually want to hear their answers. Wow, what a wonderful concept. But in today’s world people don’t ask questions.

But in today’s world people don’t ask questions. I’ve talked to so many people and they don’t even ask questions. They don’t ask questions about me and that shows me that they don’t care about me. Some people don’t like too many questions, I understand that, but I think if you really want to grow and explore each other you do have to be able to always ask questions of one another.

What do you think about this? What did you do here? What’s your favorite thing? All this different stuff. Explore who your friend is, and that exploratory process really makes a strong friendship and connection.

Another thing is, to be honest with your friends. You don’t want to build a relationship on dishonesty. You want to be honest with them. Honest with how you feel. Honest with what you’re thinking and ultimately you want to be transparent. And look, sometimes you need your spare and you don’t want to ramble on and always tell everybody everything about yourself, that’s fine, I get that. But overall you want to be kind of transparent and that helps you to be yourself.

But overall you want to be transparent and that helps you to be yourself. Because you’re transparent you can be yourself, you can just say, hey you’re my friend how are you going? Let’s just hang out. You don’t need to think about everything you’re saying, you’re not playing mind games in the back, you’re not trying to use someone or do all this sneaky stuff. You’re just honest with people, upfront with people. And I think that is the foundation for building a good friendship and it helps you to be a good friend and a good person.

Thanks for listening and I hope you guys have learned something. Leave anything in the comments if you want to teach me something because I am up for learning as well. And I love you guys. Please subscribe and I’ll see you in the next one.

 

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